Integrative Seminar Week 8
My “Who am I?” Storycard is finally ready.This is my final draft of the essay:
Map of My Soul
My Persona is what the world sees me as. What I want to show, and exaggerate. My shadow lies deep within. This concept of ‘Persona’ and ‘Shadow’ coming from Carl Jung’s ‘Map of the Soul’ has always fascinated me. I try my best to show the world who I am according to an image they’ve helped me construct, and at the same time my suppressed unconscious self, my shadow, struggles to peek through.
I’ve lived a lot of my life under pressure. Usually it’s the pressure coming from expectations. Expectations from my parents, my friends, and worst of all, from myself. If I am told, “You won’t do well in your exam because of your stupid phone”, my overachieving tendency (sprinkled with extreme procrastination) will exhort me to pulling all-nighters, switching on the gears in my brain with caffeine highs. I think I would’ve been a different person had I not been under constant scrutiny about academics. It’s made me become self-critical, and become a judgmental person in general. I try to change it about myself every day, but my Persona asks me, “What will people think?”, and it nags the back of my mind 24/7.
I am a compulsive overthinker. My Shadow can overthink my way to believing that someone absolutely loathes me. I try to direct all this energy into useful thoughts, though, usually in form of ideas. You know how sometimes; you constantly feel like there’s a bee dancing around your ears? That bee buzzes in my head. I have so many creative ideas, things to say, but because I’m generally bad at expressing my thoughts and emotions, I’ll say something that ‘sounds appropriate.’ So, if someone asks me, ‘Do you agree to this?’, my Shadow is saying “I think if you change one aspect it will look so much better”, but my Persona blurts out, “Yes.”
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been up for squabbles. I would visibly frown and scream if I heard anyone laugh, just because I’d conveniently assume, they’re laughing at me. I’m ready with a shield against arguments as I’ve grown up around a lot of them. All this negativity has led to two things: a short temper and passive-aggressiveness (with heavy sarcasm on the side). But here’s the good thing about my temper! You know when you’re eating pani puri and the spice hits you, and then disappears down your gullet immediately? That’s how my temper works. It has a brief moment where the situation is red hot, and then it cools off rapidly. I don’t think that’s still a good thing, because it makes me really impulsive. Else due to lack of expressing emotions, as mentioned before, I’ll simply burst out crying when I’m furious.
Looking at the positive side of things, I’ve learnt how to make the best of anything coming along my way. I’ve learnt ways to make amends and set my priorities straight. And I’ve also learnt that ego or attitude will get a person nowhere in life (learnt that one the hard way.) And I think I’m improving. It’s like when you drop your phone on the asphalt and hear a nice crunch. The tempered glass is damaged beyond repair, but the phone still works. In a journey of finding optimism, gratitude, and self-love, I patiently lie in wait for the two sides of the coin in my personality to strike a balance!
I wanted the cover to represent the Persona shown to society as a facade.Thus I used a masquerade mask on it.Overall,I’m very happy with the final outcome,and a pleasant close on the chapter called ‘Who am I?’.